actually, I'm a sock model
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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