I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I faked an abortion last night.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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