Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
