I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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