Where did you get a picture of my penis
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
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