Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
