Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
