just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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