Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
