You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
