he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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