they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
