Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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