Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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