Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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