Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
