This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
