I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
