I don't usually arrange sex via text message
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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