I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
