shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
