I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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