Can i not drive my cunt home
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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