ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
