Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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