I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
