jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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