just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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