FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
