You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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