Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Randomize
