Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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