I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
