Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i think i just lost a toe
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
