On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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