You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
