I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
