one might say we're banned from that church
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
