When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
