So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
