Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
