Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
