dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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