We're like a lot better than the average bears
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I am one with the molecules
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
