fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
