see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
