shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
