and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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