Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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