Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
