put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
