I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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